- "Most new books are forgotten within a year, especially by those who borrow them."
- "You can't do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about its width and depth."
- "Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits that under analysis some of them won't stand up either."
- "Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions."
- "Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings."
- "Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it."
- "The quizzical expression of the monkey at the zoo comes from his wondering whether he is his brother's keeper, or his keeper's brother."
- "[Anger is] the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind."
- "The girl with a future avoids a man with a past."
- "Walking isn't a lost art -- one must, by some means, get to the garage."
- "The man who has a girl in every port is not a sailor but a wholesaler."
- "If you can't bear to have your face stepped on, don't try to climb the ladder of success."
- "Play -- Work that you enjoy doing for nothing."
- "Barking dogs never bite ... while barking ..."
- "Many a man who falls in love with a dimple make the mistake of marrying the whole girl."
- "Canada's climate is nine months of winter and three months late in the fall."
- "Somebody is always doing something that somebody else said couldn't be done."
- "The word impossible is peculiar because if you examine it closely, you'll find that most of it is possible."
- "An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today."
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